I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the  
    morning,that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  

            --Frank Sinatra

    The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk,
    they're sober.
    
            --William Butler Yeats
    
    Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
    to keep your mouth shut.
    
            --Ernest Hemingway
    
    You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
    
            --Dean Martin
    
    Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
            --Anonymous
    
    No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good =

    as drink.
    
            --G.K. Chesterton
    
    Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
    
            --Catherine Zandonella
    
    Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
    himself a pleasure.
    
            --Ambrose Bierce
    
    Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
    
            --Anonymous
    
    I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
    
    A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
    thank her.
    
    What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
    
             --W.C. Fields
    
    Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
    
             --Anonymous
    
    Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
    
             --Oscar Wilde
    
    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    
             --Henny Youngman
    
    Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all =

    of the time and have the time of your life.
    
             --Anonymous
    
    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
    
             --Tom Waits
    
    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
    
             --Stephen Wright
    
    When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
    When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go =
to
    heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
    
             -- Brian O'Rourke
    
    You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - =

    it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
    weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
    
             --Frank Zappa
    
    Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
    has taken out of me.
    
             --Winston Churchill
    
    He was a wise man who invented beer.
    
             --Plato
    
    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    
             --Benjamin Franklin
    
    If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it =

    makes beer shoot out your nose.
    
             --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
    
    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind
    is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, =
but the
    wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
    
            --Dave Barry
    
    The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. =

    
            --Humphrey Bogart
    
    Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
    
            --David Moulton
    
    Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
    
            --Kaiser Wilhelm
    
    I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
    
            --Homer Simpson
    
    Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
    oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
    ingredient in beer.
    
            --Dave Barry
    
    I drink to make other people interesting.
    
            --George Jean Nathan
    
    All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me so let's
    just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
    
            --Homer Simpson